Am I a robot?

At one point in my life, all I was ever doing is simply existing. Living to conformity, doing what I should be doing based on society's perception. I did all I was meant to do: study hard, get good grades, be a decent person. I was living by the rules of society's standard. At the same, I didn't know better. I thought I was doing pretty well. I didn't fail at many things. I did my best with every opportunity I got.

It's ironic how you need to get lost to find yourself. Lost I have been. Many times. I think we all have dark moments, 'grey clouds' always lurking behind and waiting to make appearance whenever they get the chance to. They are not welcoming, but at the same time, reminders. They always show up for some reason. 

Coming to the point of robots, I felt like I was becoming one in so many ways. Robots are like machines doing their job without asking why, with no emotions, no control whatsoever. I felt like that for a while, sometimes I still do. The thing is I was doing the tasks I was meant to do without any feelings. Actually, I was doing them because in my mind "This is what you should be doing and it's great- amazing opportunity". Let's be honest, I'm ever so grateful for all the opportunities I've had to learn, grow and experience life. 

However, there comes a point when you wonder is that it? Is this all there is to life? I was clearly living like a robot, following orders, waiting for a breakdown. Sad, but true.

What about living? So this is probably when I started thinking about what I want to do with my life? What's my calling? You see, when I was young, I never had the opportunity. I never dig deep to figure out what I want to do. I guess I was not living for myself, thinking I'd be selfish to do so. Living a life for others is not the same as living for yourself and then making a positive contribution to around you. When you're not living for yourself, you're not happy, you're not living to your true potential and you're not doing the world any favour. 

The bottom line is follow your calling, only you know about. Don't be a robot.